SNOW DAY and The End In Sight

The usual: I say how long it has been since I wrote on here last.  It's a good opening, but you are probably as bored with it as I have become.  Yes!  I know, right?  So, let's switch gears, shall we...It is late, 2:08 AM.  I am laying in bed watching House of Cards on Netflix, Season 2, Episode 4.  Morgan beside me, she was snoring earlier, crazy cat.  I smile...Time to insert transition to get to the specifics of this post.
This has been the worst winter that I have ever experienced.  It suddenly snowed again today, at least 8 inches.  What did I do?  Oh, I'm going to try to head into work.  I didn't know it was so bad out until I walked out the door.  Yep, give that man or woman a prize.  You guessed it: I got my car stuck in the driveway.  Let's skip ahead to after I shoveled my way out and started an unsuccessful trek to work.  I am not exaggerating when I say it was a total whiteout, I could not see where I was going.  Exited off 57 at 169th, called my boss to deliver the bad news.

I went to the AMC Movie Theatre, because even the side and main streets were bad, parked my car and decided to wait the snow out by taking in a movie or two.  Well it did turn out to be two movies: The remake of RoboCop, that I found moments to sleep through, and Ride Along, which talked me out of falling asleep through due to the comedic talents of Kevin Hart.  Two movies for the price of one way too expensive movie, plus hot dog and popcorn and waiting for the plow trucks to do their magic: a win win in my book.

to be continued...

Essays on June

It has been almost a year since I wrote on Evolving Blackness.  That is too long.  I used to love to write, evidenced by the fact that I used to write...a lot.  I still love to write, but like my other artistic abilities, I have been neglecting my talents and thus my loves.  This has got to stop.  Who am I kidding, a lot of things in my life need to either stop or begin, depending on what is or isn't working.

Went to the Wells Street Art Fair in Oldtown today with R.  It was and always is inspiring to see all of the artwork.  Many ideas jumped into my head and questions about myself...what is stopping me from so many things that I love to do, but am not doing.  Something is wrong, or rather something is not right.  I have to get on track, not back, don't know if I have ever been on track.

I am constantly perusing blogs and I came across this video below.  It really doesn't have anything to do with this posting, but I just wanted to share it.  I guess I can say, like the artwork I saw today, it somehow inspired me to get back on here.  I am not quite ready to give up this blog yet and damn sure am not ready to give up art, writing and trying to get what is left of my life back on track.  And only I can do that!
That B.E.A.T.

An Art Full Life

I have had my Facebook profile open most of the day...just perusing around, checking out unknowns and the known-very-well.  It has just occurred to me that the time that I used to put into this blog, now that time and attention has been redirected to social sites among the likes of Facebook.  And my activity on FB is mostly reading and glancing at posts and profiles, pictures and videos, whereas on here, I was composing and writing and posting. 

These differences got me to thinking about how I create art.  How much I love creating art.  And how much I have not been living that love of my life.  Not to say that I havent been creative and painting.  On the contrary, I have been more artistic lately than I have been in a long time.

But like I feel about the time I have been putting into this blog, the time I have been giving to my art is not enough, nowhere near enough.  I am craving more ways to express myself.  And this is a pretty good way right here, one that I am not using fully.
In other areas of my life, because of decisions I have made, I have had to shut down...which breeds within me a very overpowering desire to do the opposite in any other form I can imagine.  And that means I want to paint the world and tell everyone about it. 

Maybe this is where FB comes back in.  Having just posted about my weekend accomplishments, FB provides a way for me to unleash to the world those things that are not hidden about me, but just are not known by everyone or enough people.

Only the people that live in my house know that I cut the grass in that huge backyard on the riding lawnmower for the first time and that I did a damn good job the other day.  But that wasnt enough!  For me? I wanted the world to know what I had been up to.

So, you see, there is a place for my blog, FB and my art.  And Twitter if I ever start using that again.  Of course, when I am finished with a painting, I will post about it here and also on my art blog and also on FB, so how can I lose?  All that I can lose is time spent spreading the news of the joys I experience while creating art.  I do not see a bad trade-off there.
By the way, posted on FB about seeing the movie pictured above (Snow White & the Huntsman) over the weekend.  And now I am posting about that very fact on here as well.  Excellent movie!  It's good to be back on here!

A Patient Person (or how being a late-bloomer isn't always a bad thing)

Going to take my time with this one. Oh, wait, that's what I always do. I am the most patient person I know. It is thought that sometimes people miss out by not being in the fast lane. I have had that perception about myself more than once in the past. I have felt like I was sitting on the sidelines waiting for something while others whizzed by with their lives. I wanted to drive fast also to get to the vision in my mind of what I wanted my life to look like. But it always seemed to me that I was like the turtle: be steady, thoughtful. I was never good at being spontaneous with my life plans. I am the more "Let's plan this out, take our time and eventually when we get there it will be all that much more worth it!" Well, that WAS my old way of thinking. Is it any wonder that my results have not always come out the way I planned?

I now understand that there must be a symbiotic relationship between the hare and the turtle. I am trying to teach myself to be more Now of the Moment, while still taking time to plan, because planning insures that steps are not missed and important details are not left out of the final product.

Example: Wow, I just laid out my phone, keys and wallet on the bed. These 3 things are essential equipment for me to take with me everyday when I leave the house. If I don't plan to remember just one of those items, my ass is done. Without planning, my ass would be done every day.

But that has to be balanced out with living your life quickly, by the seat of your pants, jumping, leaping into fires unknown.

Dude, I have seriously jumped into some fucking hot flames with the quickness. Ask somebody!

Years Are Happy and New

Okay, before I get started, here are some favorites that R. and I both share, and mainly from reality shows.

Gabe from Braxtons Family Values and Peter and Apollo from The Real Housewives of Atlanta

My blog was created to be a glimpse into my life...so here goes: I have just finished a bowl of delicious soup that R. made a couple of days ago. Also enjoying a glass of Moscato (the favorite, thanks to Arica). The Braxtons Family Values is on the tv. I am sitting in the rear wing of the house. Yes, I have moved. I think this room would be called the media room or family room. R. is in their bedroom, sleep? resting up to go downtown to take pictures for New Years. Everyone else that resides here is out celebrating the coming new year. Except Morgan. She is in the garage. Now, no doubt, in the attic that she somehow keeps getting up into. I am supposed to wake R. up at 9.

A few minutes ago, I trimmed up my hair: trying to let it grow ou

t one

last time, maybe visions of dreads or twists in my future before I feel I am too old to sport that look.

There have been ups and downs...but I think mostly ups. Like R

. said earlier, I havent been tested lately. But actually my whole evolving, the move, the new relationship after the failure of the old, all these things have been tests, at least to my way of thinking. And I think I have done pretty damned good considering that I have put myself out here in a way that I never thought I would, dealing with people and situations that I shouldnt have to deal with, but did for the ultimate goal of total happiness. I am doing super fucking great, please excuse the language. And I will let you in on a little secret: I will continue to do great things in the new year.

As always, I hope to write more regularly, live more alert, continue to discover what makes Mike get up in the morning and I intend to exhibit a hell of a lot of love, starting with myself.

Titles

Updates! I am still here living with A. But I know that has ended and it is time to go. Still with R. and trying to define, at least, internally, what we are doing. When the house finally comes through, I have been asked to move in, and I am looking forward to that, but I cannot see it yet, how it will work, what it will look like. I am actually afraid that it might never be realized because of hangups that we both have. I see and experience the progress of the relationship, but that seems to be the problem...the word, or title: relationship and other titles that I am used to and that R. is not used to. The differences are wider than I had known and even when it is just the two of us, I feel that those differences can not be spoken on. Just this weekend, we have had 3 minor disagreements that somehow ballooned into these major conversations that leave me feeling that we are farther apart than we are together. My love has grown and so now I feel like I am in this gray area right before the finish line. And it is unknown what will I find once I sprint to the other side. My fear is that I am sensing in myself a return to a behavior that is closed, quiet and unshared when all that I wanted was all of the opposites of those titles. I have become more open, verbal and unhidden...but I feel that R., even though R. started out as this person that was ready for a new way of living life, has gone the other way of being uncommunicative. I am supposed to decipher everything without being told anything. Titles seem to be our enemy, the nemesis of our relationship. My views or viewpoint, as well as his, that is opposing, seem to be acting as our kryptonite. I value those differences and want us to be able to disagree, discuss and come to understandings that might not always be in sync. I am not operating under rose-colored glasses here. But I feel that R. thinks that I am. No, I see this for what it is and I could not go further with our plans if I did not realize just how different this relationship is over all the others that I have been a part of. The paradox is that this one feels so ultimate but at the same time, I feel I cannot express an ultimate joy, but a minor one. My ecstatic enthusiasm must exist in a confined and subdued room when I want to paint the walls of the room with all the colors that exist in the world.
On to other news: Painting again...here and there, feeling more creative like my mind exploded back to a time when I had ideas...Yes! the artistic juices are flowing. My photography has improved.
Finances are coming together and I am listening to the good advice of others as well as my heart and my head is in the clouds but my feet are on a calmer ground.
I am riding my bike and working out in a consistent manner and the progress is showing. Eating better and bad habits have fallen by the wayside.
The main thing I want to communicate here, above all else, is that I feel alive again. There is a vibrancy that has been unleashed in my world and there is no cap that exists that can be put back on this bottle and no matter what happens, I know that I will be okay, better than okay. It's all about growth, learning the self and making mistakes. I am getting to know me. In a couple months time, I will turn 45. I have made it to this halfway point. What will I do with the other half? Well, that is the question isn't it?

Space

Me (below)
I am looking at space differently these days, but I will come back to that in a minute.

I did say in a previous post that I wanted to get back to the basics of this blog, which meant it was about me, occasionally throwing something in that is newsworthy and exciting, something that doesn't have anything to do with me whatsoever.
So with this post, I am going to do just that: me.
That's me, above...I think I have only posted one or two other pics of myself on here...and yes, they were blurry too. While I want this blog to be about me, I still want to maintain my anonymity...at least on here...
I did finally start another blog on art. Not sure I am happy with that blog over at Tumblr, but nonetheless it is there and since it is dealing only with art, I have included a goofy profile pic that is not blurry.
I have also just recently updated my Flickr profile page and there are pics of me on that too. I am really trying to develop all of the different sides of me right now and give them all their proper space (ahhh, there is my opening revisited) and area.

In a constant attempt to give voice to all my artistic sides: photography, art, writing, music, drama, self...I will probably have about 50 different blogs going by the end of this year. And NO! I don't see that as a bad thing.
For too long I have let my talents sit on the sideline. there, they have become bored and unimaginative. Time to put a stop to all that. It should be about creation...Constant Creation...please don't steal that title, thinking of using it as the title of my Poetry blog, coming soon!
So you see, just like in an organized house where everything has it's own space, place, corner, nook or room...so should your talents. I am starting to take them off the shelf and examine just what I can do with them.
Oh, I started this blog a couple years ago with a bed I made. Now I am finally about to continue that journey by making my first chair. (Thanks to R. for the tools for Christmas!) And there will surely be a Furniture Blog with all of my creations and whats more, I hope to introduce commerce to my sites...because, after all, everything is for sale. Here is one of my favorite sites right now: http://www.dezeen.com/
(This is not the chair, but the one I will be making is very similar.)
Been playing around with design plans for Furniture and I have started a Furniture Sketch book:
(Did this chair design in Paint program)
So, I just wanted to say that Space is needed, will be given to each individual friend: my talents. They all deserve a spot, their own display shelf. Only thing is I'm hoping to display to the world...and through each item, a part of "me" will be put out there on display as well.

Just making sure I get to keep the best part to myself!
I want to dedicate this post to R. who is teaching me a lot about myself, and the space we give to things and people we love.