Years Are Happy and New

Okay, before I get started, here are some favorites that R. and I both share, and mainly from reality shows.

Gabe from Braxtons Family Values and Peter and Apollo from The Real Housewives of Atlanta

My blog was created to be a glimpse into my life...so here goes: I have just finished a bowl of delicious soup that R. made a couple of days ago. Also enjoying a glass of Moscato (the favorite, thanks to Arica). The Braxtons Family Values is on the tv. I am sitting in the rear wing of the house. Yes, I have moved. I think this room would be called the media room or family room. R. is in their bedroom, sleep? resting up to go downtown to take pictures for New Years. Everyone else that resides here is out celebrating the coming new year. Except Morgan. She is in the garage. Now, no doubt, in the attic that she somehow keeps getting up into. I am supposed to wake R. up at 9.

A few minutes ago, I trimmed up my hair: trying to let it grow ou

t one

last time, maybe visions of dreads or twists in my future before I feel I am too old to sport that look.

There have been ups and downs...but I think mostly ups. Like R

. said earlier, I havent been tested lately. But actually my whole evolving, the move, the new relationship after the failure of the old, all these things have been tests, at least to my way of thinking. And I think I have done pretty damned good considering that I have put myself out here in a way that I never thought I would, dealing with people and situations that I shouldnt have to deal with, but did for the ultimate goal of total happiness. I am doing super fucking great, please excuse the language. And I will let you in on a little secret: I will continue to do great things in the new year.

As always, I hope to write more regularly, live more alert, continue to discover what makes Mike get up in the morning and I intend to exhibit a hell of a lot of love, starting with myself.

Titles

Updates! I am still here living with A. But I know that has ended and it is time to go. Still with R. and trying to define, at least, internally, what we are doing. When the house finally comes through, I have been asked to move in, and I am looking forward to that, but I cannot see it yet, how it will work, what it will look like. I am actually afraid that it might never be realized because of hangups that we both have. I see and experience the progress of the relationship, but that seems to be the problem...the word, or title: relationship and other titles that I am used to and that R. is not used to. The differences are wider than I had known and even when it is just the two of us, I feel that those differences can not be spoken on. Just this weekend, we have had 3 minor disagreements that somehow ballooned into these major conversations that leave me feeling that we are farther apart than we are together. My love has grown and so now I feel like I am in this gray area right before the finish line. And it is unknown what will I find once I sprint to the other side. My fear is that I am sensing in myself a return to a behavior that is closed, quiet and unshared when all that I wanted was all of the opposites of those titles. I have become more open, verbal and unhidden...but I feel that R., even though R. started out as this person that was ready for a new way of living life, has gone the other way of being uncommunicative. I am supposed to decipher everything without being told anything. Titles seem to be our enemy, the nemesis of our relationship. My views or viewpoint, as well as his, that is opposing, seem to be acting as our kryptonite. I value those differences and want us to be able to disagree, discuss and come to understandings that might not always be in sync. I am not operating under rose-colored glasses here. But I feel that R. thinks that I am. No, I see this for what it is and I could not go further with our plans if I did not realize just how different this relationship is over all the others that I have been a part of. The paradox is that this one feels so ultimate but at the same time, I feel I cannot express an ultimate joy, but a minor one. My ecstatic enthusiasm must exist in a confined and subdued room when I want to paint the walls of the room with all the colors that exist in the world.
On to other news: Painting again...here and there, feeling more creative like my mind exploded back to a time when I had ideas...Yes! the artistic juices are flowing. My photography has improved.
Finances are coming together and I am listening to the good advice of others as well as my heart and my head is in the clouds but my feet are on a calmer ground.
I am riding my bike and working out in a consistent manner and the progress is showing. Eating better and bad habits have fallen by the wayside.
The main thing I want to communicate here, above all else, is that I feel alive again. There is a vibrancy that has been unleashed in my world and there is no cap that exists that can be put back on this bottle and no matter what happens, I know that I will be okay, better than okay. It's all about growth, learning the self and making mistakes. I am getting to know me. In a couple months time, I will turn 45. I have made it to this halfway point. What will I do with the other half? Well, that is the question isn't it?

Space

Me (below)
I am looking at space differently these days, but I will come back to that in a minute.

I did say in a previous post that I wanted to get back to the basics of this blog, which meant it was about me, occasionally throwing something in that is newsworthy and exciting, something that doesn't have anything to do with me whatsoever.
So with this post, I am going to do just that: me.
That's me, above...I think I have only posted one or two other pics of myself on here...and yes, they were blurry too. While I want this blog to be about me, I still want to maintain my anonymity...at least on here...
I did finally start another blog on art. Not sure I am happy with that blog over at Tumblr, but nonetheless it is there and since it is dealing only with art, I have included a goofy profile pic that is not blurry.
I have also just recently updated my Flickr profile page and there are pics of me on that too. I am really trying to develop all of the different sides of me right now and give them all their proper space (ahhh, there is my opening revisited) and area.

In a constant attempt to give voice to all my artistic sides: photography, art, writing, music, drama, self...I will probably have about 50 different blogs going by the end of this year. And NO! I don't see that as a bad thing.
For too long I have let my talents sit on the sideline. there, they have become bored and unimaginative. Time to put a stop to all that. It should be about creation...Constant Creation...please don't steal that title, thinking of using it as the title of my Poetry blog, coming soon!
So you see, just like in an organized house where everything has it's own space, place, corner, nook or room...so should your talents. I am starting to take them off the shelf and examine just what I can do with them.
Oh, I started this blog a couple years ago with a bed I made. Now I am finally about to continue that journey by making my first chair. (Thanks to R. for the tools for Christmas!) And there will surely be a Furniture Blog with all of my creations and whats more, I hope to introduce commerce to my sites...because, after all, everything is for sale. Here is one of my favorite sites right now: http://www.dezeen.com/
(This is not the chair, but the one I will be making is very similar.)
Been playing around with design plans for Furniture and I have started a Furniture Sketch book:
(Did this chair design in Paint program)
So, I just wanted to say that Space is needed, will be given to each individual friend: my talents. They all deserve a spot, their own display shelf. Only thing is I'm hoping to display to the world...and through each item, a part of "me" will be put out there on display as well.

Just making sure I get to keep the best part to myself!
I want to dedicate this post to R. who is teaching me a lot about myself, and the space we give to things and people we love.

Miss Lawrence - Closet Freak (2011)

My New Art Blog

I have started a new art Blog on Tumblr called "Cursing Bubble"
Please check it out.

http://cursingbubble.tumblr.com/

Playing the Waiting Game or How I Survived the Winter of 2011

Hello People, I know it's been a while with the posts or updates, but I know it is now time. Let me get the obvious out of the way, Yes...this blog is about me and my life, but I still want to give you a reason to come on through even if you are giving my blog an unimpressed expression like I keep getting from someone who I won't mention.
So, yes that is where the pics come in and that is Chad below and then there is Bert Belasco from BET's new series: "Let's Stay Together." Yeah, yeah...I noticed the resemblance (I wish!)...

Now I can get to me now that I've got that out of the way.
Chad Coleman from "The Wire and most recently "The Green Hornet
Bert Belasco


There was panic in the streets or if I take away dramatic licenses, in the stores, Walmart to be exact. No bread left on the bread aisles or eggs and you know we all need eggs! The Winter pulled out a big punch today but I'm cool with that. The Blizzard of 2011 as it will be known for years to come I'm sure did it's thing today and showed no mercy.

I was on my way to work when I got the call that I might not have to come in. And the confirmation came later. Yeah!!!
So here I sit at home, alone...typing. Grateful for the day or days off.

Happiness ranking on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the happiest I could be: a solid 8! And that is saying something...I think It shows too. And something else...things are finally going my way for once, what the hell?!!!

It's a nice change, so grateful...I must be living my life right, so good things are happening and continue. A move in my future. So many changes that I am just so excited at what 2011 will bring besides a blizzard.

Things are going great with E.R. While trips to the hardware store have slowed, I envision that escapade picking up regularly in the future. Offers made that were unexpected. WOW!

And that was how it all started...WOW! Still a WoW! for me, every time, every time.

So what should you take away from all this mumble jumble that I just wrote: Beats me...I just know that for once in my life, I feel like I am living my life...and I am happy, content but still up for the search, the excitement and the adventure. Oh, and in case you were wondering..."I believe in true love and happiness ever after.."

Eurythmics - Would I Lie To You?

Thief of Hearts and Fact Checking

Back in the eighties there were a slew of what I call slick movies: movies that came to the theatre wrapped in pretty and handsome packaging with a synchronized soundtrack to match. Some of my favorites were Flashdance, Cat People and 9 1/2 Weeks.
Was strolling through some movies to watch and came across a little classic called "Thief of Heart." For me, this movie gained repeat, late-night cable viewing for more than one reason.

It' the story of a thief who steals a diary. The diary belongs to a woman who is unfulfilled in her marriage so she writes in her diary of her dream man and the fantasies she has about him. Through reading the diary, the thief falls in love with her and deceivingly becomes the man of her dreams and sets out to meet her.

Thief of Hearts stars one of my favorite actors, Steven Bauer. Steven is Cuban born and you will probably remember him from Scarface as Manny, Al Pacino's right hand man in Scarface. Steven is great actor and he isn't bad on the eyes either. The neglected wife is played by Barbara Williams who is a dead ringer for Barbra Streisand.

At one point in the movie, Barbara's character, after falling in love with him, starts wanting to know more about this man. But since he is a fabrication, Steven's character is unable to tell her the real story about his life and how he is just a bad boy thief from the wrong side of the tracks.

This premise of the movie got me thinking about how we now check on facts when faced with wanting to find out information about people that are in our lives. Back in the 1980s, when someone wants to find out information about a person they would either have to follow them, hire a detective or make a bunch of phone calls after looking through the white pages (remember them?). But in today's "you can find whatever you are searching for on the internet" society, fact-checking and information seeking has changed. If this movie was made today, that guy probably wouldn't have got that far. She could have googled him and found out that he was lying to her about who he was.










In the world we live in today, all she would have had to do was friend him on Facebook and she would have all the info she needed. And that info would have been at her fingertips as she accessed this info from her smart-phone or Ipad.




Me and a friend of mine, when we get together to watch movies, always pick movies apart for their inaccuracies... or if the movie takes place in a certain era but the facts of that era are wrong, we tear that movie apart.
Or in the case of this movie, we would say , Oh they would do it this way now.

So, fact-checking has changed or I just wanted to post some pics of Steven Bauer.













Steven can also be seen in the Eurythmic's video for "Would I Lie To You?"

Mary Mary - Walking