SNOW DAY and The End In Sight

The usual: I say how long it has been since I wrote on here last.  It's a good opening, but you are probably as bored with it as I have become.  Yes!  I know, right?  So, let's switch gears, shall we...It is late, 2:08 AM.  I am laying in bed watching House of Cards on Netflix, Season 2, Episode 4.  Morgan beside me, she was snoring earlier, crazy cat.  I smile...Time to insert transition to get to the specifics of this post.
This has been the worst winter that I have ever experienced.  It suddenly snowed again today, at least 8 inches.  What did I do?  Oh, I'm going to try to head into work.  I didn't know it was so bad out until I walked out the door.  Yep, give that man or woman a prize.  You guessed it: I got my car stuck in the driveway.  Let's skip ahead to after I shoveled my way out and started an unsuccessful trek to work.  I am not exaggerating when I say it was a total whiteout, I could not see where I was going.  Exited off 57 at 169th, called my boss to deliver the bad news.

I went to the AMC Movie Theatre, because even the side and main streets were bad, parked my car and decided to wait the snow out by taking in a movie or two.  Well it did turn out to be two movies: The remake of RoboCop, that I found moments to sleep through, and Ride Along, which talked me out of falling asleep through due to the comedic talents of Kevin Hart.  Two movies for the price of one way too expensive movie, plus hot dog and popcorn and waiting for the plow trucks to do their magic: a win win in my book.

to be continued...

Essays on June

It has been almost a year since I wrote on Evolving Blackness.  That is too long.  I used to love to write, evidenced by the fact that I used to write...a lot.  I still love to write, but like my other artistic abilities, I have been neglecting my talents and thus my loves.  This has got to stop.  Who am I kidding, a lot of things in my life need to either stop or begin, depending on what is or isn't working.

Went to the Wells Street Art Fair in Oldtown today with R.  It was and always is inspiring to see all of the artwork.  Many ideas jumped into my head and questions about myself...what is stopping me from so many things that I love to do, but am not doing.  Something is wrong, or rather something is not right.  I have to get on track, not back, don't know if I have ever been on track.

I am constantly perusing blogs and I came across this video below.  It really doesn't have anything to do with this posting, but I just wanted to share it.  I guess I can say, like the artwork I saw today, it somehow inspired me to get back on here.  I am not quite ready to give up this blog yet and damn sure am not ready to give up art, writing and trying to get what is left of my life back on track.  And only I can do that!
That B.E.A.T.

An Art Full Life

I have had my Facebook profile open most of the day...just perusing around, checking out unknowns and the known-very-well.  It has just occurred to me that the time that I used to put into this blog, now that time and attention has been redirected to social sites among the likes of Facebook.  And my activity on FB is mostly reading and glancing at posts and profiles, pictures and videos, whereas on here, I was composing and writing and posting. 

These differences got me to thinking about how I create art.  How much I love creating art.  And how much I have not been living that love of my life.  Not to say that I havent been creative and painting.  On the contrary, I have been more artistic lately than I have been in a long time.

But like I feel about the time I have been putting into this blog, the time I have been giving to my art is not enough, nowhere near enough.  I am craving more ways to express myself.  And this is a pretty good way right here, one that I am not using fully.
In other areas of my life, because of decisions I have made, I have had to shut down...which breeds within me a very overpowering desire to do the opposite in any other form I can imagine.  And that means I want to paint the world and tell everyone about it. 

Maybe this is where FB comes back in.  Having just posted about my weekend accomplishments, FB provides a way for me to unleash to the world those things that are not hidden about me, but just are not known by everyone or enough people.

Only the people that live in my house know that I cut the grass in that huge backyard on the riding lawnmower for the first time and that I did a damn good job the other day.  But that wasnt enough!  For me? I wanted the world to know what I had been up to.

So, you see, there is a place for my blog, FB and my art.  And Twitter if I ever start using that again.  Of course, when I am finished with a painting, I will post about it here and also on my art blog and also on FB, so how can I lose?  All that I can lose is time spent spreading the news of the joys I experience while creating art.  I do not see a bad trade-off there.
By the way, posted on FB about seeing the movie pictured above (Snow White & the Huntsman) over the weekend.  And now I am posting about that very fact on here as well.  Excellent movie!  It's good to be back on here!

A Patient Person (or how being a late-bloomer isn't always a bad thing)

Going to take my time with this one. Oh, wait, that's what I always do. I am the most patient person I know. It is thought that sometimes people miss out by not being in the fast lane. I have had that perception about myself more than once in the past. I have felt like I was sitting on the sidelines waiting for something while others whizzed by with their lives. I wanted to drive fast also to get to the vision in my mind of what I wanted my life to look like. But it always seemed to me that I was like the turtle: be steady, thoughtful. I was never good at being spontaneous with my life plans. I am the more "Let's plan this out, take our time and eventually when we get there it will be all that much more worth it!" Well, that WAS my old way of thinking. Is it any wonder that my results have not always come out the way I planned?

I now understand that there must be a symbiotic relationship between the hare and the turtle. I am trying to teach myself to be more Now of the Moment, while still taking time to plan, because planning insures that steps are not missed and important details are not left out of the final product.

Example: Wow, I just laid out my phone, keys and wallet on the bed. These 3 things are essential equipment for me to take with me everyday when I leave the house. If I don't plan to remember just one of those items, my ass is done. Without planning, my ass would be done every day.

But that has to be balanced out with living your life quickly, by the seat of your pants, jumping, leaping into fires unknown.

Dude, I have seriously jumped into some fucking hot flames with the quickness. Ask somebody!

Years Are Happy and New

Okay, before I get started, here are some favorites that R. and I both share, and mainly from reality shows.

Gabe from Braxtons Family Values and Peter and Apollo from The Real Housewives of Atlanta

My blog was created to be a glimpse into my life...so here goes: I have just finished a bowl of delicious soup that R. made a couple of days ago. Also enjoying a glass of Moscato (the favorite, thanks to Arica). The Braxtons Family Values is on the tv. I am sitting in the rear wing of the house. Yes, I have moved. I think this room would be called the media room or family room. R. is in their bedroom, sleep? resting up to go downtown to take pictures for New Years. Everyone else that resides here is out celebrating the coming new year. Except Morgan. She is in the garage. Now, no doubt, in the attic that she somehow keeps getting up into. I am supposed to wake R. up at 9.

A few minutes ago, I trimmed up my hair: trying to let it grow ou

t one

last time, maybe visions of dreads or twists in my future before I feel I am too old to sport that look.

There have been ups and downs...but I think mostly ups. Like R

. said earlier, I havent been tested lately. But actually my whole evolving, the move, the new relationship after the failure of the old, all these things have been tests, at least to my way of thinking. And I think I have done pretty damned good considering that I have put myself out here in a way that I never thought I would, dealing with people and situations that I shouldnt have to deal with, but did for the ultimate goal of total happiness. I am doing super fucking great, please excuse the language. And I will let you in on a little secret: I will continue to do great things in the new year.

As always, I hope to write more regularly, live more alert, continue to discover what makes Mike get up in the morning and I intend to exhibit a hell of a lot of love, starting with myself.

Titles

Updates! I am still here living with A. But I know that has ended and it is time to go. Still with R. and trying to define, at least, internally, what we are doing. When the house finally comes through, I have been asked to move in, and I am looking forward to that, but I cannot see it yet, how it will work, what it will look like. I am actually afraid that it might never be realized because of hangups that we both have. I see and experience the progress of the relationship, but that seems to be the problem...the word, or title: relationship and other titles that I am used to and that R. is not used to. The differences are wider than I had known and even when it is just the two of us, I feel that those differences can not be spoken on. Just this weekend, we have had 3 minor disagreements that somehow ballooned into these major conversations that leave me feeling that we are farther apart than we are together. My love has grown and so now I feel like I am in this gray area right before the finish line. And it is unknown what will I find once I sprint to the other side. My fear is that I am sensing in myself a return to a behavior that is closed, quiet and unshared when all that I wanted was all of the opposites of those titles. I have become more open, verbal and unhidden...but I feel that R., even though R. started out as this person that was ready for a new way of living life, has gone the other way of being uncommunicative. I am supposed to decipher everything without being told anything. Titles seem to be our enemy, the nemesis of our relationship. My views or viewpoint, as well as his, that is opposing, seem to be acting as our kryptonite. I value those differences and want us to be able to disagree, discuss and come to understandings that might not always be in sync. I am not operating under rose-colored glasses here. But I feel that R. thinks that I am. No, I see this for what it is and I could not go further with our plans if I did not realize just how different this relationship is over all the others that I have been a part of. The paradox is that this one feels so ultimate but at the same time, I feel I cannot express an ultimate joy, but a minor one. My ecstatic enthusiasm must exist in a confined and subdued room when I want to paint the walls of the room with all the colors that exist in the world.
On to other news: Painting again...here and there, feeling more creative like my mind exploded back to a time when I had ideas...Yes! the artistic juices are flowing. My photography has improved.
Finances are coming together and I am listening to the good advice of others as well as my heart and my head is in the clouds but my feet are on a calmer ground.
I am riding my bike and working out in a consistent manner and the progress is showing. Eating better and bad habits have fallen by the wayside.
The main thing I want to communicate here, above all else, is that I feel alive again. There is a vibrancy that has been unleashed in my world and there is no cap that exists that can be put back on this bottle and no matter what happens, I know that I will be okay, better than okay. It's all about growth, learning the self and making mistakes. I am getting to know me. In a couple months time, I will turn 45. I have made it to this halfway point. What will I do with the other half? Well, that is the question isn't it?

Space

Me (below)
I am looking at space differently these days, but I will come back to that in a minute.

I did say in a previous post that I wanted to get back to the basics of this blog, which meant it was about me, occasionally throwing something in that is newsworthy and exciting, something that doesn't have anything to do with me whatsoever.
So with this post, I am going to do just that: me.
That's me, above...I think I have only posted one or two other pics of myself on here...and yes, they were blurry too. While I want this blog to be about me, I still want to maintain my anonymity...at least on here...
I did finally start another blog on art. Not sure I am happy with that blog over at Tumblr, but nonetheless it is there and since it is dealing only with art, I have included a goofy profile pic that is not blurry.
I have also just recently updated my Flickr profile page and there are pics of me on that too. I am really trying to develop all of the different sides of me right now and give them all their proper space (ahhh, there is my opening revisited) and area.

In a constant attempt to give voice to all my artistic sides: photography, art, writing, music, drama, self...I will probably have about 50 different blogs going by the end of this year. And NO! I don't see that as a bad thing.
For too long I have let my talents sit on the sideline. there, they have become bored and unimaginative. Time to put a stop to all that. It should be about creation...Constant Creation...please don't steal that title, thinking of using it as the title of my Poetry blog, coming soon!
So you see, just like in an organized house where everything has it's own space, place, corner, nook or room...so should your talents. I am starting to take them off the shelf and examine just what I can do with them.
Oh, I started this blog a couple years ago with a bed I made. Now I am finally about to continue that journey by making my first chair. (Thanks to R. for the tools for Christmas!) And there will surely be a Furniture Blog with all of my creations and whats more, I hope to introduce commerce to my sites...because, after all, everything is for sale. Here is one of my favorite sites right now: http://www.dezeen.com/
(This is not the chair, but the one I will be making is very similar.)
Been playing around with design plans for Furniture and I have started a Furniture Sketch book:
(Did this chair design in Paint program)
So, I just wanted to say that Space is needed, will be given to each individual friend: my talents. They all deserve a spot, their own display shelf. Only thing is I'm hoping to display to the world...and through each item, a part of "me" will be put out there on display as well.

Just making sure I get to keep the best part to myself!
I want to dedicate this post to R. who is teaching me a lot about myself, and the space we give to things and people we love.

Miss Lawrence - Closet Freak (2011)

My New Art Blog

I have started a new art Blog on Tumblr called "Cursing Bubble"
Please check it out.

http://cursingbubble.tumblr.com/

Playing the Waiting Game or How I Survived the Winter of 2011

Hello People, I know it's been a while with the posts or updates, but I know it is now time. Let me get the obvious out of the way, Yes...this blog is about me and my life, but I still want to give you a reason to come on through even if you are giving my blog an unimpressed expression like I keep getting from someone who I won't mention.
So, yes that is where the pics come in and that is Chad below and then there is Bert Belasco from BET's new series: "Let's Stay Together." Yeah, yeah...I noticed the resemblance (I wish!)...

Now I can get to me now that I've got that out of the way.
Chad Coleman from "The Wire and most recently "The Green Hornet
Bert Belasco


There was panic in the streets or if I take away dramatic licenses, in the stores, Walmart to be exact. No bread left on the bread aisles or eggs and you know we all need eggs! The Winter pulled out a big punch today but I'm cool with that. The Blizzard of 2011 as it will be known for years to come I'm sure did it's thing today and showed no mercy.

I was on my way to work when I got the call that I might not have to come in. And the confirmation came later. Yeah!!!
So here I sit at home, alone...typing. Grateful for the day or days off.

Happiness ranking on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the happiest I could be: a solid 8! And that is saying something...I think It shows too. And something else...things are finally going my way for once, what the hell?!!!

It's a nice change, so grateful...I must be living my life right, so good things are happening and continue. A move in my future. So many changes that I am just so excited at what 2011 will bring besides a blizzard.

Things are going great with E.R. While trips to the hardware store have slowed, I envision that escapade picking up regularly in the future. Offers made that were unexpected. WOW!

And that was how it all started...WOW! Still a WoW! for me, every time, every time.

So what should you take away from all this mumble jumble that I just wrote: Beats me...I just know that for once in my life, I feel like I am living my life...and I am happy, content but still up for the search, the excitement and the adventure. Oh, and in case you were wondering..."I believe in true love and happiness ever after.."

Eurythmics - Would I Lie To You?

Thief of Hearts and Fact Checking

Back in the eighties there were a slew of what I call slick movies: movies that came to the theatre wrapped in pretty and handsome packaging with a synchronized soundtrack to match. Some of my favorites were Flashdance, Cat People and 9 1/2 Weeks.
Was strolling through some movies to watch and came across a little classic called "Thief of Heart." For me, this movie gained repeat, late-night cable viewing for more than one reason.

It' the story of a thief who steals a diary. The diary belongs to a woman who is unfulfilled in her marriage so she writes in her diary of her dream man and the fantasies she has about him. Through reading the diary, the thief falls in love with her and deceivingly becomes the man of her dreams and sets out to meet her.

Thief of Hearts stars one of my favorite actors, Steven Bauer. Steven is Cuban born and you will probably remember him from Scarface as Manny, Al Pacino's right hand man in Scarface. Steven is great actor and he isn't bad on the eyes either. The neglected wife is played by Barbara Williams who is a dead ringer for Barbra Streisand.

At one point in the movie, Barbara's character, after falling in love with him, starts wanting to know more about this man. But since he is a fabrication, Steven's character is unable to tell her the real story about his life and how he is just a bad boy thief from the wrong side of the tracks.

This premise of the movie got me thinking about how we now check on facts when faced with wanting to find out information about people that are in our lives. Back in the 1980s, when someone wants to find out information about a person they would either have to follow them, hire a detective or make a bunch of phone calls after looking through the white pages (remember them?). But in today's "you can find whatever you are searching for on the internet" society, fact-checking and information seeking has changed. If this movie was made today, that guy probably wouldn't have got that far. She could have googled him and found out that he was lying to her about who he was.










In the world we live in today, all she would have had to do was friend him on Facebook and she would have all the info she needed. And that info would have been at her fingertips as she accessed this info from her smart-phone or Ipad.




Me and a friend of mine, when we get together to watch movies, always pick movies apart for their inaccuracies... or if the movie takes place in a certain era but the facts of that era are wrong, we tear that movie apart.
Or in the case of this movie, we would say , Oh they would do it this way now.

So, fact-checking has changed or I just wanted to post some pics of Steven Bauer.













Steven can also be seen in the Eurythmic's video for "Would I Lie To You?"

Mary Mary - Walking

Another Trip to the Hardware Store

Well, it has been a few months since the last post. At that time the car was in the shop and I was at Starbucks waiting. Here it is in November and I have experienced a lot in these few months. The summer had a lot in store for me, I had no idea. Some of the highlights in no particular order:

I reconnected with my son, well actually my foster son...it's a long story...lost about 10 pounds and keeping it off, that's still a work in progress...made tough decisions about where I was stuck in life and decided to do something about it...released someone who released me long ago...tackled my fears and became stronger...gave up some bad habits...decided that I didn't want to live my life hiding things from the person I am supposed to be sharing my life with...came clean to myself on my faults and am now learning to embrace all that is good within me...spent some time with just me which included me riding my bike on the lake while I was on vacation, that was a good day! ...I became clear about what I want in my life, got rid of distractions and decided that listening to my heart isn't a bad thing...I became more honest than I ever knew I could be and mainly to myself...still learning how to love myself, each day that becomes stronger...took a leap of faith and stepped out there...turned 44...started figuring what my life should look like and making steps to see a completed picture...dated...fell in love in a brand new way with a brand new person...struggled through to victory.

My life is currently looking a lot different these days and should continue to change with the coming winter.

R. is in the process of moving and finishing off some home projects as the days become numbered. I think we will be making plenty of trips to the hardware store together. It's like I am doing a restoration of me, running to the hardware store to pick up a tool or an item that I know I need, then returning home to find that I'm still missing a piece... or the item that I thought would work when I got it home just was the wrong thing altogether so then I have to make another trip to get those missing items, you feel me?

It sure feels like the missing piece was waiting in aisle three all this time...waiting there for me and then I finally figured it out, saw what I needed...now I can do something with it. Got it home and it was the missing part, the right fit. And I am determined to keep making more trips to the hardware store that is life...I want, need and deserve to have the right tools to build something architecturally beautiful and lasting...

to be continued....

Updates

So since I have the time, I thought I would update my readers on my recent activity and what has been going on with me lately.

I am currently sitting at the Starbucks in the Millenium Station downtown. I'm drinking the last of my strawberry frappuccino, which I had to look over to the menu board to figure out how to spell. The reason I am hanging out down here so early is because I am waiting to hear from the mechanic at Midas about my car. To be more exact, waiting for them to call me to tell me I can come pick the car up. It's a long story that I wont go fully into, but let's say that I finally got my car paid for. So you know what happened, right?

Oh it just needs about $1,620.00 dollars worth of work to get it in the running condition it should be in. Anyway, Midas is going to let me pay half with the remaining balance due in 30 days.

A. let me ride in with and I am very grateful; I don't think I could have put up with one more ride on the CTA Pace bus: can you say ghetto! No, through with that for a while.

My frap is just about gone, so I will be wrapping this up real quick. I guess I will walk over to Millenium Park after this. My mom and brother are supposed to be coming down this weekend for the 4th. Also the Taste of Chicago is going on. I may walk over there if I still havent heard anything after a while. I just realized that I have written about the Taste before in another blog entry.

This is pretty cool tho. Hanging out downtown, soaking up the atmosphere; I kinda feel like this is where I should be. Still getting used to my own grown skin. And exercising my artistic muscles. About time. Well, I don't really know what's going to go down this weekend. Sean will want to go to the Taste. And my nephew Korey is supposed to be coming also with his girlfriend.

Diante is also staying with us for the summer. Well I just wanted to get something published to let you know that I am still here. I will be starting my art blog soon, so stay tuned.

BTW, I really have to use the restroom.

It's Raining, Men!

I often find myself flicking through the channels like most men; it's one of the things we do best. Sometimes, before a road trip, I need to check the Weather Channel to check the forecast. To my great surprise, anytime I come across any of these three meteorologists, I find myself lingering just a little bit longer. I guess they just make meteorology so very intersting. Would you agree?

Scott Williams

Paul Goodloe

Alex Wallace

SMALL ISLAND

I was peeping through some other blogs and I ran across the mentioning of a new PBS series titled: SMALL ISLAND. The BBC produced two-parter has already aired on PBS stations, but for a limited time, you can watch both episodes at http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/masterpiece/smallisland/index.html
The story is set in the past and introduces us to some dynamic characters. There is a nice history lesson in this tale of England and Jamaica, the war and racial tensions. Hurry to watch this before it is no longer available, although I'm sure it will be released on DVD.

If you need 2 reasons to watch, check out actors: David Oyelowo as Gilbert last seen as the cheating husband in the HBO series The First Ladies Detective Agency starring Jill Scott...and actor Ashley Walters who I predict will be a big star; he smolders on the screen in the role of Michael who stirs the desires of two very different women. Ashley has these dreamy eyes and a smooth gravelly voice that is too much...well, see for yourselves when you watch online http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/masterpiece/smallisland/watch.html

David Oyelowo

Ashley Walters

DON'T DIE, know the HEIMLICH

A couple of weekends ago, A. made a soup dish with some chicken breasts. Let me say that I am known to scoff food down, so that means I was not chewing my food the way I should have. To make a short story short, I got a piece of chicken stuck in my throat. At first I thought I would be able to get it down, so I kept swallowing. Before I knew it, I was in a life or death situation. I ran to the sink and tried to scream the meat out. That didnt work!

Anthony then came over and calmly performed the Heimlich maneuver on me. The meat was immediately dislodged and I was still alive. 3 things I learned:
1. A. still has my back, dont know that he never did. And I joke with A. that I owe him for at least one year.
2. More importantly, chew your food enough so that you can swallow!
3. Know how to perform the Heimlich maneuver on yourself.
I dont like to think about what might have happened if A. had not been there. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A PIECE OF FURNITURE NEARBY THAT IS THE APPROPRIATE HEIGHT THAT YOU CAN PUSH YOUR BODY UP AGAINST IN THE EVENT THAT THIS HAPPENS TO YOU AND YOU ARE ALONE!

New Angles (Angels)

I recently updated my facebook status by saying that on one particular rough day, I had beautiful angels all around me, so many angels that the devil rolled up his window and drove away. All of the people below are Angels in one form or another. Whether it be an artist testing the boundaries and questioning individualism or a positive role model for the kids...a man telling the world who he is with no regret or a guy helping a celebrity get back her model figure. Doing a good deed or being honest will always help yourself and the recipient see a new angle on life.

Erykah

All I am going to say is that I like this video, but I like the song "Window Seat"better and her new cd even better. Check out the video and listen to the full album below on her website:




http://www.erykahbadu.com/

Vernon Davis

Saw my dude Vernon Davis on this new E Entertainment reality show: Pretty Wild. I cant say that I will watch this show anymore unless Vernon shows up again with that dynamic smile. I'm not mad at Ms. Alexis...flirting her ass off.

Ricky

Dude came out! What an inspiration he will be for generations to come. His bravery will make it easier for so many others. Thank you, Ricky!

JR Rogers or Who's That Guy?

If you are looking for another reason to watch Kirstie Alley's new A&E reality series Kirstie Alley's Big Life, check out her personal trainer JR Rogers. Enuf said.

See more here:

http://www.modelmayhem.com/portfolio/1176760/0